Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Worst Best Day of My Life....

So its been 2 weeks since my Moms passing. I haven't had the strength, drive, or will power to type a blog about this whole experience & my actual feelings. Although I could go on and on about this situation, I'm going to try and sum it up.  The following is all very personal.

The photos below are very, very dear to my heart. It was my Moms dying last wish to see their farm and animals one last time. And thats just what we did. On the very last day my Mom would ever be able to open her eyes, talk, or share her still, very positive attitude, we loaded her up on a bus and drove out to the farm. It became very clear, she saved every bit of strength and or fight she had left in her for this trip. As soon as she saw her dogs, her whole body collapsed. She knew and we knew, this was the end. She did find the strength to say to me "I don't have much left Spook".... holy hard thing to except. Reality was, I already knew. I told her it was ok, and that she could give in.

My Moms attitude made this whole thing so much easier on everyone. She was inspiring for me and others who spent time with her. I had serval nurses and staff members tell me what a blessing it was to have met my Mom. She left an imprint on all of us. It has changed me in many ways. I don't think I'll ever fully be over her being gone. So many things hit me like a ton of bricks. Last place we ate together, the last movie we saw, last gift she gave, not being able to call her after idol and arguing about who we liked and didn't like. Its a very empty, gut wretching feeling. Quite frankly, it sucks.

I do know, however, she's healthy and happy somewhere else now. No more fighting, no more worrying about what doctor she has to see, or where the cancer might hit next. She's a peace, and that is all I've EVER wanted for her. I can't thank everyone enough for the love and support we've received. I know if she was here to see it all, she'd be completly blown away.

In the end its brought a new perspective to my life, its shown me what is vital and what isn't worth my time. My Mom got her last wish, so that made it a great day. Knowing it was the end, was the worst.

 Mom, I love you & miss you beyond measures...

1 comment:

  1. much love dear friend. your extrodinary photography skills have left you with a very special gift. <3 you