Tuesday & The Small Things That Made Me Smile...

 You all know this is true.....that sunken ship in the middle says "work". 

From I Love Charts

 Narwhal, narwhal, swimming in thee ocean, like an underwater unicorn, they've got a kick ass facial horn!!! I hope you know the song. If you don't.....youtube it!

From The Oatmeal.

THIS. I effing Love This.



Hope you all had a great weekend.

So It Appears As Though....

Its Wednesday. I'm back to work and teaching myself how to get back in the saddle again. As it would turn out, I'm starting to become a believer in all that "it happens for a reason" bs. The anger and loss of my Mom is bringing out my creative chaos that goes on in my head more than ever! If I can get my act together, good things will be on the way!

Now, back to why I'm here, its Wednesday. Which now has 2 meanings, in 3 words : Idol, Weird, Wonderful. Here we go:

Weird:

* How I can spend so much time cleaning one room, to only carry half the crap into another, and make yet ANOTHER one a mess!! UGH!

* Starting to type something, only to learn 5 words, sometimes even an entire sentence in, I wasn't on the home row! Case and point, chatting on gmail with a friend, hit enter...lord. Complete Spanish. Her not missing a beat, replies with " Holy Home Row!!!" That made me smile.

* Things people will say to you, or judge you for, when they don't understand or know the half of it. We're all guilty of it, I know I am. I just wish we weren't so fast on doing it.

* Learning life can be summed up in 3 words "it goes on"

Wonderful:

* The love I've been shown lately. Couple gifts in the mail from some old friends, who really melted my heart. #thankyou#

* The game the hus and I play at the grocery store. Closet to the total amount wins, losers makes dinner that night. Last time we went I guessed $140....TOTAL $140.20 SUCKA!!!! (that'll never happen again)

* As stated before, the craziness of what I've been through lately, is really bringing out the best in me. I've come up with some photo shoots I'm extremely excited to share with you all!!

* My new job!!! Loving it!!! Thank you Signs & Scumbags for firing me! Best thing you ever could have done for me!

* The voicemail I still have on my phone of the last message my Mom left me. I listen to it every day. Some days it brings tears, but lately, I can smile about it.

* This sweet picture I did at work today!! Simple to some, but I had never thought myself how to add flames and smoke on an object! Photoshop skilz, here I come!

 Happy Idol Watching! Go James!

The Worst Best Day of My Life....

So its been 2 weeks since my Moms passing. I haven't had the strength, drive, or will power to type a blog about this whole experience & my actual feelings. Although I could go on and on about this situation, I'm going to try and sum it up.  The following is all very personal.

The photos below are very, very dear to my heart. It was my Moms dying last wish to see their farm and animals one last time. And thats just what we did. On the very last day my Mom would ever be able to open her eyes, talk, or share her still, very positive attitude, we loaded her up on a bus and drove out to the farm. It became very clear, she saved every bit of strength and or fight she had left in her for this trip. As soon as she saw her dogs, her whole body collapsed. She knew and we knew, this was the end. She did find the strength to say to me "I don't have much left Spook".... holy hard thing to except. Reality was, I already knew. I told her it was ok, and that she could give in.

My Moms attitude made this whole thing so much easier on everyone. She was inspiring for me and others who spent time with her. I had serval nurses and staff members tell me what a blessing it was to have met my Mom. She left an imprint on all of us. It has changed me in many ways. I don't think I'll ever fully be over her being gone. So many things hit me like a ton of bricks. Last place we ate together, the last movie we saw, last gift she gave, not being able to call her after idol and arguing about who we liked and didn't like. Its a very empty, gut wretching feeling. Quite frankly, it sucks.

I do know, however, she's healthy and happy somewhere else now. No more fighting, no more worrying about what doctor she has to see, or where the cancer might hit next. She's a peace, and that is all I've EVER wanted for her. I can't thank everyone enough for the love and support we've received. I know if she was here to see it all, she'd be completly blown away.

In the end its brought a new perspective to my life, its shown me what is vital and what isn't worth my time. My Mom got her last wish, so that made it a great day. Knowing it was the end, was the worst.

 Mom, I love you & miss you beyond measures...